Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Some of the Best Put-Downs in History

 Quote of Abhishek Rathi's answer to Insults: What are some great one-line insults? on Quora:

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
 
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
 
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
 
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill
 
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
 
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
 
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
 
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
 
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
 
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
 
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
 
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
 
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
 
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
 
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
 
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
 
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
 
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
 
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
 
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
 
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
 
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
 
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx.


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