Wednesday, August 29, 2012

USADA's Next Chore: Cleaning Up the Film Industry

Having successfully erased Lance Armstrong from the collective memory by declaring him never to have existed, the moral standard bearers at USADA must have been surprised this morning to discover their work was not yet done, when they read this banner headline in the Telegraph: "Fred Astair used cannabis, claims Petula Clark" (see here). That's right, according to the famous sixties singer, legendary film star and dancer Fred Astair was a "secret cannabis smoker."

The USADA is required by natural moral law to launch an investigation and ultimately strip Astair of his Academy Award (for lifetime achievement - as a doper), three Golden Globes, and three Emmys. According to an unnamed (and non-existent) spokesman for the anti-doping agency, "Only when all drugs are eliminated from all competitive markets and all walks of life will we have a truly level-playing field in which individual merit alone will determine who succeeds and who fails. Until that time, we at the USADA (much like the Spanish Inquisition on which our organization was patterned) will have to decide who succeeds and who fails."

When asked about the importance of due process, the make-believe spokesman for USADA responded, "The truly innocent would never try to hide behind mere constitutional technicalities. An assertion of constitutional rights is, in our eyes, a virtual admission of guilt."

I will try to post more on the emerging Astair doping scandal as it works its way through the process. His lawyers may engage in forum shopping, trying to move the case to Spain, where it is understood the anti-doping authorities are more lenient (at least for Spaniards).

1 comment:

  1. Breaking news: USADA strips Armstrong of his victory against cancer, declaring him dead.


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